i'm the map

Collage by the author, Beatriz Kaye

I.
the first time i was formally introduced to my pussy i was seven years old
my thighs had not even begun kissing yet
but i swear i heard Pussy talk to me,
“Welcome home”

She is a hermione granger portkey
one touch transports me back

to soil
to water
to root
shoot vertically through the stem of a hydrangea
i petal and petal and petal and petal and petal
i pollen and pollen and pollen and pollen
i am sucked inside of a bee’s mouth hole
i harden into honeycomb
i squeeze into a pinterest-worthy mason jar
i am honey
pouring myself into my ginger tea
i am the moonlight,
cutting across my window
kissing the tea with glitter
i drink myself back into my body

II.
my baby sister’s hand is covered with the same eczema that cratered my own skin
if she shovels back the itchy invisible brick with her fingernail
She will unearth the seven lakes of our mother’s hometown
pitong lawa ng san pablo

III.

i dreamt i was dead in a red bath and believed it
i became the water and the blood
i squeeze through gaps in the grout of the floor tile

grout that i have scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed

every time i swipe right
a scar dolores umbridges itself onto my wrist

IV.

my Body is the Map in dora the explorer’s purple backpack

It’s just that she only speaks my grandfather’s native tongue

Pangasinan

with too many syllables welled up in my throat

she keeps speaking to me but i don’t speak her language anymore,
so i just started singing

i’m the map, i’m the map, i’m the fucking map

V.

my tita gives me a pink bath bomb
i cover the bath with red petals and petals and petals and petals

in my red bath
Pussy talks to me again,
“You know where home has always been
Firmly planted
update your iOS to get the latest version of Dualingo, sis”

I do not die
I remember I am heaven

About Beatriz Kaye

Beatriz Kaye is a Filipino-American writer, poet, designer and community organizer. She writes personal narratives that explores diaspora, queerness, modern love and Big Dick Energy. She leads @bedstuybookclub, a community organization that creates safe spaces for Womxn of Color in Brooklyn to discuss and educate each other through literature. She writes about weed and throws dinner parties with her roommate through a blog called 2GIRLS1COVEN. She is excited to share this poem from a series in progress called "A Pot of Gold at the End of the FUPA.”